Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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