I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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