im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
