I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
