from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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