i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
