party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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