Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
