no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
