Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
