Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
