It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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