Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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