eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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