his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
