So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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