I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
