I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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