I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
