Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
