Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
