They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How does one acquire holy water?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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