My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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