If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
