btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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