So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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