Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
