So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
