The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
