I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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