What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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