I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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