Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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