My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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