Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
