Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm really busy with my period
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