i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This is my gift to your gina
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
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