Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
