Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
