Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
