I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
What drink are we having for lunch?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
