Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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