i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize