Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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