Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
