toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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