in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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