I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
