At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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