There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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