I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
