Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
