You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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