Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
