'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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