I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
